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Old 08-11-2016, 01:24 PM   #1
Logan_Love
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I have finally hit rock bottom...

like a drug addict, I have once again chosen binging over spending time with my family. It has been 8 months since I lost my job, 8 years since my fiancé passed, 3 1/2 years since my mom (my best friend, my confidant, my everything) passed and a year since I moved my father closer to my home. Two blocks to be exact. The past 8 months have been filled with anxiety, fear and hopelessness. I'm very happy my father is closer and thriving, but caring for him has taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I have never fully accepted or grieved over my mother's death and it seems that all of a sudden, I am having to deal with tremendous amounts of anger and loss. This has destroyed my body and relationships. I don't want to see my friends or leave the house for that matter. I have stopped talking to everyone and have become much of a hermit.

Today I am mad as hell....

This is not what my mom would want for me. She would tell me to get off my pity horse and get moving!

I am much better than this and everyone around me deserves the best me I can be.

I cannot continue not caring, gaining weight and absolutely hating myself.

Today I am mad as hell and it stops today! I may be down in this hole but I see light up ahead!

Starting tomorrow, back on Stillmans....lean protein and water only....I will be kind to myself and not set any goals or time limits. This is an attitude change more than a diet. Daily weigh ins starting Sunday. I have done this before with much success. It keeps me in check.

End rant.
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Old 08-11-2016, 01:39 PM   #2
Izzysdream
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Logan_Love View Post
like a drug addict, I have once again chosen binging over spending time with my family. It has been 8 months since I lost my job, 8 years since my fiancé passed, 3 1/2 years since my mom (my best friend, my confidant, my everything) passed and a year since I moved my father closer to my home. Two blocks to be exact. The past 8 months have been filled with anxiety, fear and hopelessness. I'm very happy my father is closer and thriving, but caring for him has taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I have never fully accepted or grieved over my mother's death and it seems that all of a sudden, I am having to deal with tremendous amounts of anger and loss. This has destroyed my body and relationships. I don't want to see my friends or leave the house for that matter. I have stopped talking to everyone and have become much of a hermit.

Today I am mad as hell....

This is not what my mom would want for me. She would tell me to get off my pity horse and get moving!

I am much better than this and everyone around me deserves the best me I can be.

I cannot continue not caring, gaining weight and absolutely hating myself.

Today I am mad as hell and it stops today! I may be down in this hole but I see light up ahead!

Starting tomorrow, back on Stillmans....lean protein and water only....I will be kind to myself and not set any goals or time limits. This is an attitude change more than a diet. Daily weigh ins starting Sunday. I have done this before with much success. It keeps me in check.

End rant.
So sorry for your struggles and loss. Good way to put that anger energy to use for the better good of your health. You can do this!
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Old 08-11-2016, 02:33 PM   #3
Logan_Love
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Thank you for the kind words.

I know I can do this because I have done it and will do it again.

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Old 08-11-2016, 09:08 PM   #4
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so sorry for all the heartache and the stress.... Glad you have decided to take care of yourself !!
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Old 08-12-2016, 06:41 AM   #5
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Old 08-12-2016, 07:44 AM   #6
Logan_Love
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Good morning all and thanks again for the words of encouragement. Today is officially day 1 on all lean protein and water. No soda or artificial sweeteners of any kind. I will weigh in on Sunday and everyday thereafter. Like I said, I did this quite a few years ago for 3+ months and slowly shifted to lower carb with much success until now. I started my day off with a bison steak and will probably have ground turkey breast and 96% lean ground beef later on.
Hope you all have a great day.
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Old 08-13-2016, 06:55 AM   #7
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Good morning.
I cleaned house yesterday and was off plan. Good thing is all the junk is gone. I will forgive myself and start fresh today. I will not use yesterday as an excuse to continue screwing up today.
Haven't has breakfast yet but it will be 2 hard boiled eggs and 96% lean beef. I'm hoping to be brave enough to weigh in tomorrow morning. I think the shock of actually seeing how much I've gained is the final push I need.
Hope you all have a great day.
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Old 08-14-2016, 09:27 AM   #8
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Hello all.
Feeling extra motivated today although couldn't bring myself to get on the scale. Getting back on workout routine starting Tuesday. I have always taken Sunday and Monday off when I worked out regularly.
I've been hearing that some "friends" have been talking about me l. I normally don't care about what think or say about me but one person in particular was on the same boat as me not too long ago. I was a true friend who provided support and encouragement and now I hear this. All I can say is sure, anyone can lose weight but that person will never be able to change their sour and jealous attitude. This will only make me stronger.
Have a great day.
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Old 08-15-2016, 05:09 PM   #9
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My official day 1 is coming to a close and I must say that I am super proud of myself for taking this hard first step. Now it's just one foot in front of the other.
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Old 08-16-2016, 12:02 PM   #10
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Day 2 and still plugging away. Had a minor headache and a bit nauseous but feeling much better now. So far today I've had 4 hardboiled eggs, small bison steak and a few grilled chicken tenders. Dinner will probably be ground chicken breast and 2 more eggs. Not focusing on calories just on fat and carbs.
Before I know it, day 2 will become day 30.
Keep going keep going keep going!
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Old 08-21-2016, 11:03 AM   #11
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Logan, 2 1/2 years ago I was dealing with some excruciating emotional pain myself. Depression. And I did something. Today, I feel so much better...I don't even recognize the person I was.
I am sending you love and good vibes for your journey. <3
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